Sunday, March 28, 2010
Lighthouses and Buoys
Something I have learned is that it is easy for me to give good advice. It is something that comes naturally to me. Of course "good advice" is subjective, but that's not applicable to the point I want to make. The best advice given is the advice that is dually followed. A lot of times I hear myself give advice, and I'm like, Damn, that's exactly what I needed to hear.
That's why I enjoy when people ask for advice. Human connection helps me see myself more clearly. Sometimes the only way I can be convinced to follow my gut feeling is if it comes out of my own mouth in words of advice to a loved friend. People are reflections of my reality. Relationships provide depth perception in the sea that is life. The big relationships are like lighthouses, small ones are like buoys. I won't elaborate on that metaphor for brevity's sake, but think about it.
Often times in my life, people function as mirrors. There is a beautiful chain of perception that occurs. First, I perceive you. Then, I perceive you perceiving me. In the relationships I invest the most in, I am the most concerned with that person's perception of me. I want to look good in their mirror. I want to look good for them and me.
A few times in my life, I have found myself investing too much in a single relationship. It is often when it is a new relationship that I am excited to establish. The side affect is that I neglect established relationships and backwardly prioritize my schedule of commitments. It's painful for the people that I have neglected. Leaving a codependent relationship is one of the hardest changes I have made.
Imagine only ever looking at a mirror from one angle. There are infinite angles to see yourself from, why in the world would you only use one? What about being the only way a person determines their perception of themselves? A heavy weight. I think after a little while you'd start to look the same as one another. The kicker is that neither would notice, because your world is too small.
I said earlier that I wouldn't elaborate, but I must: If you are in the ocean and need to remember where a location is, you must look to the land for two points of orientation. Seeing only one lighthouse, you would be lost. With only buoys to give well-intended directions on to other buoys, it would only allow fleeting perspective.
There is nothing like a quick indulgence in metaphor before bed. It also helps me say things without saying them. I love language.